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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25382554">Falling Ill and You're the Poison</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Featherfur/pseuds/Featherfur'>Featherfur</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confession, Getting Together, M/M, band au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:22:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25382554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Featherfur/pseuds/Featherfur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenjiro had known for a long time that he was in love with Tsutomu. That didn't mean he intended to confess ever, in fact he was planning on never confessing and living his life Tsutomu free and aggressively staring at him for afar. After all, that's how Satori managed to get each of his boyfriends.<br/>Until Tsutomu crashes back into his life with a three am phone call.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Ushijima Wakatoshi/Oohira Reon/Semi Eita/Tendo Satori</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Falling Ill and You're the Poison</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>One year of medical school down and Kenjiro had started to regret his own existence. It wasn’t a new feeling, it tended to crop up every couple of weeks or so until he managed to actually get a full nights sleep and food then he was fine. Still, it wasn’t easy trying to manage a social life and medical school. Stress worsened his insomnia which was a struggle on the best days, after medical school it leaned toward days without sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The night was coming to an end, the clock blinking three in the morning when Kenjiro’s phone rang. He nearly kicked it off the bed in surprise, letting out a curse as he dove for the phone and answered it without looking at the caller I.D. Only three people would call him this late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> is math?” The voice was loud as Kenjiro hit the speaker button. Okay. Maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>four</span>
  </em>
  <span> people would call him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like. Who invented this stuff? What God did I insult that he would bring me to existence to do math at three a.m?” Goshiki’s voice filtered through, just as jittery as usual. It had deepened since his first year and Kenjiro couldn’t help but remember the first time Goshiki had been captain of a meeting. He still hadn’t gotten over how his voice boomed across the gym.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am… Fuckin’ hell. ‘Go to college Tsutomu’ they said,” Goshiki’s voice pitched terribly in mockery, “‘Oh it’ll be amazing, you’ll make so many friends and be happy and find a nice wife.’ Oh a wife? Oh how lovely to go to a place of education to get married to someone I don’t even like. What is this the 80’s? I don’t want a wife! I am a non-math gay and I will not be contained… But also I can’t figure out where I’m messing up on this sheet but my computer is giving me a different answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro blinked blankly at the phone as the rant finished. Sure, they all </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tsutomu wasn’t straight but to have him come out and say it at three a.m. What did Kenjiro say? Thank you for trusting me? Haha you suck at math? Why the fuck are you telling me this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tendou-san?” Goshiki asked, confusion coloring his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That made much more sense. Well, no point in torturing the kid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not quite, Goshiki.” Kenjiro drawled, leaning back in his bed and avoiding the heavy text book that was mocking him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a moment of silence, then a shriek before the line went dead and Kenjiro’s screen blinked to his home screen of the old team. He stared at Goshiki’s smiling face, bowlcut askew from Satori and Semi’s enthusiastic petting a few minutes earlier. A sigh broke from him as he redialed the number.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shirabu-senpai! I’m sorry, I’m so, so, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry. Please don’t tell anyone, please don’t hate me-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goshiki.” Kenjiro growled, rolling the name out like he was captain again. Instantly Goshiki fell silent, only his nervous breathing audible through the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to hate you, you exposed nerve fiber. Gods. First, you should really check who you dial before you end up outing yourself to someone who isn’t also gay. Second, why are you calling Satori at three a.m?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been trying to get through my homework because I got back from practice a few hours ago and it was fine, even the English stuff but then I started dealing with chemistry and confused myself and I’m so tired and I swear math is evil- You’re gay?!” Kenjiro winced as Goshiki’s voice turned shrill and he pulled the phone away with a sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Focus on one thing at a time, Goshiki. Yes I am gay, I had a boyfriend remember? You tried to fight him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought Yahaba was just trying to harass you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was, he just also happened to be my boyfriend at the time. We kissed in front of you, Taichi kept yelling about ‘ickle firsties’ remember?” Kenjiro hummed, settling the phone on the pillow next to him. He moved his books to the desk, crawling into bed as sleep finally started to tug at his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just thought Kawanishi-san was talking about letting Seijoh near our first years.” Goshiki snorted, and Kenjiro could imagine the smile on his lips as he continued. “This whole time I thought… I thought you’d really hate me if you found out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goshiki.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Shirabu-senpai?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who got mad at you when you told them you were gay?” Kenjiro kept his voice even, steady. Goshiki would notice anything out of the ordinary and would immediately refuse to tell him if he knew Kenjiro was getting ready to rip someone’s head off. The only one allowed to harass Goshiki was him, and their senpai.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.. Uh… It’s fine… I mean he said he wouldn’t tell anyone..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goshiki.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Yoshimoto, my vice-captain.” Goshiki finally admitted when the silence stretched from seconds to minutes. His voice trembled slightly, reliving the past and probably the fear that had come with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. Now, send me a picture of your homework. I’ll help you with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it means you stop calling me to rant at three in the morning, then yes. I will. Now hurry up, if I fall asleep I won’t feel bad.” Kenjiro’s lips twitched up in a fond smile as Goshiki squeaked and immediately started taking pictures.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Call duration 53 Minutes</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro pulled himself out of his class nearly twelve hours later, cursing his existence and the existence of slow moving people as he tried to make his way towards the coffee shop at the edge of the campus. If he got back to his dorm soon he could make dinner and finish his homework and pass out before the weekend started. Atleast Taichi couldn’t beg him for money since they both knew neither could afford a train ticket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenjiro-kun!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately Kenjiro dove for the coffee shop doors, only to yelp as arms wrapped around him and lifted him up. There was a flash of red on the edge of his vision as Satori cackled and carried him easily to one of the outside tables. Stupid upperclassmen, with their unbelievable arm strength.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Kenjiro groaned, letting himself be manhandled into a seat. Atleast Satori had bought coffee as a peace offering. Kenjiro cradled his cup, sipping greedily at the sweet gift.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because~ If I called you, you would just ignore me. This way, you can’t get out of this shit.” Satori crooned, sticking his tongue out with a goofy grin. “A little birdie told me, you were being nicer than usual last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should talk to a different birdie, because I’m sure he can assure you that I’m even meaner than usual this morning.” Kenjiro growled, tugging the coffee cup away when Satori moved to grab it. “Too late, you knew information wasn’t a guarantee. Don’t gamble with me, you always lose, </span>
  <em>
    <span>senpai</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” Satori glowered before flopping back into his chair and steepling his fingers, a smirk starting to grow on his face. “Forget about Yoshimoto, I don’t particularly care about him. Not when he hurt my little bowl cut child. But you. Outing yourself to get him to calm down </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> helping him with his homework? Now </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“.... I’m killing Goshiki, it hasn’t even been twenty four hours.” Kenjiro hissed, eyes narrowed on the grinning man. “So what? I helped him. And?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, is this the same Kenjiro-kun who broke his boyfriend’s nose just to get a pastry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t even try that one, Yahaba would have broken my nose if he had been in my place. We both know that.” Kenjiro rolled his eyes. Yahaba had nursed that broken nose for weeks before finally admitting it barely hurt and he just wanted extra attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True, I’ve seen that little wolf and his bite is terrifying… Anyways… When are you going to tell Tsutomu you had a crush on him all of senior year and dated Yahaba trying to get over him?” Satori chirped, slamming his hands down on the table and leaning in. Kenjiro groaned as people looked over, hiding himself behind a hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you finally go back to hell when you belong. How do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> know about that?” Kenjiro snapped, only to blush bright red as he realized he’d given himself away. Satori cackled madly, letting out a cheer before sucking noisily at his smoothie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The great thing about knowing Reon is that everyone tells him every dirty secret, and he never locks his phone.” Satori purred, digging his own phone out and turning it to reveal screenshots of texts Kenjiro had sent two years ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what privacy is, Satori?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly no, never been a fan of it, whatever it is.” Satori waved off the glower with a smile and Kenjiro finally let it drop, knowing it was useless. Satori wouldn’t tell anyone without permission. He would poke and prod and tease, making himself the biggest asshole around, but he would never out someone about anything. For all his false charm, he was loyal to a fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Satori… Forget about the crush. Even if Goshiki </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> gay, and we all know he is because he still has the world’s biggest crush on Wakatoshi-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who doesn’t?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oikawa, probably… maybe… hopefully? Eita has too many boyfriends. Anyways, Tsutomu isn't going to date me. He has to focus on school and </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> have to focus on school, not to mention I was like his most hated senpai. I should have gone easier on him… He’s really just a puppy…” Kenjiro sighed, thinking back to his last year of high school. The adorable look on Goshiki’s face when he got a hard ball, the cheer he always let out when Kenjiro did a perfect toss, the soft </span>
  <em>
    <span>dopey</span>
  </em>
  <span> look he got when Kenjiro would praise him. Which only made Kenjiro want to do it more. The way he’d bounce and laugh no matter how many times he was yelled at, only getting louder until Kenjiro finally gave in and smiled at him-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it.” Kenjiro snapped at Satori’s evil grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re thinking something so gay, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“.... Shut the fuck up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenjiro-kun~” Satori purred, fluttering his eyelashes at him. “You called him Tsutomu.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha- no I didn’t!” Kenjiro’s face blossomed red, mentally trying to rewind the conversation. There was no way he said Goshiki’s name with such familiarity, Goshiki was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> Goshiki no matter how relaxed Kenjiro was around the others. He didn’t let himself get that familiar with Goshiki in case something else slipped out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes you did, lover boy. Oh yes, you did.” Satori purred, teeth gleaming as he bit down on his straw and grinned. “And, I have just the thing for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you pull a dildo out here-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax! I’m not that gross… well I would if you were Eita but Eita loves me so I’m allowed. No, here.” Satori pulled out two tickets, waving them at Kenjiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two free tickets, VIP seats for Silver Dagger, tomorrow night. </span>
  <em>
    <span>After</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tsutomu gets off practice. And backstage passes, though I would understand if you don’t want to go with him-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro snatched the tickets, glowering at him but safely putting them and the passes in his bag. He hadn’t seen Tsut-Goshiki in three months, this wasn’t a stupid ass crush he just wanted to see his friend again. His teammate? What even was Goshiki to him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! And Eita says if you need something nice to wear he’ll take you shopping.” Satori held his hand up as Kenjiro gave him a terrified look. “Don’t worry, I already told him to fuck off for you. I figure you can find something punk-rock-ish yet sexy on your own?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter what I wear, it’ll be better than Eita’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As one of his boyfriends I have to defend him and say, don’t talk about him like that!… However as his best friend I have to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>uh-duh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” he held up a hand and Kenjiro snorted as he high fived it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the initial argument had passed, Kenjiro finally settled enough to take Satori’s offer to drive him home. As much as he liked to harass Satori, he wouldn’t ever be able to say he didn’t like him. Satori was a firecracker, set to go off on his own schedule but he was also the first one to step in when people pushed too far. Other than Reon, Satori was the only one the entire team felt comfortable enough to tell him anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you afford this car?” Kenjiro stared at the shiny new car with open envy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s actually Eita’s. He got it to take the band around, but he seriously hates driving so me and Reon are the only ones who really use it unless he needs to get somewhere without being in public. But Konoha usually drives him then,” Satori shrugged, climbing in the driver’s side as Kenjiro passed the drinks over to the cupholder before taking his own seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Ushijima?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t see the point when he can get Kageyama or Hoshiumi to drive him. Also, have you ever noticed that you call all of us by our first names except Wakatoshi and Tsutomu?” Satori hummed, smiling innocently when Kenjiro gave him half a glare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not seeing your point here, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tendou-san</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bah, I’m just saying. You used to have a huge crush on Wakawaka </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tsutomu, is that why you still say their last names so you don’t pop a boner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m saying this once, you have some major issues.” Kenjiro deadpanned as they slid into traffic. “It just seems… Rude to call Ushijima by his first name. Even if he gave me permission I don’t think I could go any more friendly then… Wakatoshi-san. It’s just… He’s not my captain anymore but he’s still my </span>
  <em>
    <span>captain</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Also, the fact that he could crush my head with his thighs? Screams respect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satori opened his mouth to argue only to close it a second later, face twisting as he thought it over. He nodded, glancing over at Kenjiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right. I respect that. Tsutomu just does it because he’s Babey.” Satori shrugged, fingers drumming on the steering wheel. Kenjiro just snorted, mentally agreeing as he settled back against the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched the streets blur as they picked up speed, closing his eyes after a moment. In his mind’s eye he could see Goshiki’s face, screwed up as he desperately tried to not give in to Satori’s mockery and call Ushijima by his first name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goshiki’s top lip would curl and his bottom would go thin. They would trace out the name six times before teeth would appear and dig marks into his bottom lip. Wide eyes would look around for anyone willing to save him while Satori giggled and hopped closer, a harassing tone in his voice. Goshiki would go through Satori’s boyfriends first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pouting eyes landing on Ushijima who wouldn’t say anything, proving himself as a life-long Satori-enabler. Then Eita who would snort and smile softly, maybe even encourage him to listen to Satori. Next would be Reon, who might shrug half heartedly and remind Goshiki they were all friends here and not to mind it if he wanted to show respect but wouldn’t pull Satori away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Goshiki would turn his pouty brown eyes on Hayato who would laugh, think about helping before just giving him thumbs up. Taichi would be next, and he’d just drawl out Ushijima’s name and smirk when Tsutomu’s lips twisted into a frown and a whine would rise up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, they would land on Kenjiro’s. Hopeful and yet defeated, a low whine still echoing from his throat as Kenjiro stared him down. Tsutomu would tilt his head at the blank stare, hoping for a reprieve from his suffering. Kenjiro would definitely think it over. If Satori had been particularly annoying that day, he might intercede and shoo the older man away. Or he might stare Tsutomu down, watching pretty pink lips open and close as he realized his last hope for saftey was gone. Long lashes fluttering and hiding emotional eyes from Kenjiro despite Kenjiro mentally hoping he’d get to watch a little longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu would-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro was calling him Tsutomu again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro sighed, opening his eyes and tilting his head over at Satori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Satori.” He asked, keeping his voice quiet enough so Satori could ignore him if he wanted to. Then again, Satori had never wanted to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay over there?” Satori hummed, glancing over just long enough for Kenjiro to realize he’d probably been quiet longer than he thought he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do…” He reached for the coffee, sipping at it and tetting the cold spread through his fingers. “Do you… </span>
  <em>
    <span>honestly</span>
  </em>
  <span> believe that Goshiki could like me back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence invaded the car as Satori’s back straightened and he turned down another road. His mouth quirked in a way that told Kenjiro he was trying his best not to spill any secrets and was trying to word things properly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think… You have a harder opinion on yourself then he does. He doesn't look at you and see a hard ass, he sees someone who always knew he could be great and pushed him towards that. Tsutomu’s always… He wears his heart on his sleeve, but that doesn’t mean he’s completely open. He’s lived a while thinking he’d lose everything if he came out, I think… He knows you’re safe now, that you won’t hate him. Just…” Satori pulled to a stop outside of Kenjiro’s apartment complex, chewing on his lip before turning to him and looking uncharacteristically serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let him come to you okay? He trusts you, more than you know. But he’s soft, used to hiding for his own safety. Let him make the first move.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That… Didn’t really answer my question… but thank you.” Kenjiro sighed, unbuckling himself as he grabbed his bag. “See you tomorrow night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be backstage with the others. You know how whiny Eita gets if we don’t give him good luck kisses before he goes on stage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro snorted and climbed out of the car, looking back in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Eita’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> the one who complains. Have a good day Satori.” Kenjiro waved at the annoyed voice that rose up behind him, ignoring it as he dug for his keys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tugged out his phone as he made his way up the stairs and glanced at the time. Even with Satori intervening in his life, he’d actually made it home faster than if he’d walked. Good. Because that meant more time for a mental breakdown. Stupid emotions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay go over this again.” Chikara’s voice came through the computer as he shifted on the skype screen. Kenjiro groaned, holding up a button up shirt before Nishinoya leaned in around his friend and called out a disagreement. Chikara shoved him away, yelling at him to go hang out with Tanaka before turning back to the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, Kenjiro? Tendou tried to set you up on a date?” Kenji’s voice came through as the other half of the computer screen flickered and he joined the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, yes? Maybe? I don’t know.” He flopped back onto his couch, letting himself sink in until he was sure he’d gotten an extra chin. Chikara looked empathetic, but Kenji was grinning brightly as he turned away from the screen to explain to Aone why it was such a big deal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Shigeru?” Chikara asked, his phone making an appearance before Kenjiro heard his front door open and close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right here!” Shigeru’s voice echoed through the apartment before Kenjiro felt a pile of clothes smack him in the face. “Sorry I took so long, I grabbed everything in your size. You’re going to look hot enough that I would fuck you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro held up a middle finger from under the pile, not caring enough to push it off. Chikara and Kenji’s laughter slid around him and he sighed, his own lips betraying his lifting heart and he sat up. He gave them a fond glare before brushing the clothes to the cushion beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might have hated having to get to know these guys two years ago when he was captain. Now though? These idiots were what kept him going. He wouldn’t trade them for anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so go over it again.” Shigeru said, taking a seat on his other side. Kenjiro let out a louder groan, just to make a point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Goshiki outed himself to me last night-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that big a deal, we all could tell.” Kenji said before Aone’s hand appeared to flick his cheek. “I mean good for him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t mean to, he thought I was Satori. He freaked out when he realized it was me but I called him back and calmed him down and… helped him with his homework. Then he told Satori I was being nice and Satori caught me on my way home and gave me tickets to Silver Dagger with backstage passes and basically told me to invite him. Then drove me home, and implied that Goshiki would fall in love with me because I’m gay? I think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d mock you, but I can never understand Satori.” Shigeru shrugged, grabbing a shirt and holding it up against Kenjiro’s chest. “If you wanted tickets I could have given you some, Shinji abandoned me for some reason. He’s been really suspicious recently…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he’s cheating on you with another band!” Kenji gasped mockingly and Shigeru flipped him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> are in a band I will never understand. You’re hideous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me? Have you seen yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean god-like? I know, you really shouldn’t flirt with me in front of your boyfriend.” Shigeru crooned, sticking his tongue out at Kenji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, enough you two. Unlike you two idiots, Kenjiro has an actual problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Chikara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are we going to keep him from confessing if he sees Goshiki in anything remotely attractive?” Chikara continued, a twisted grin on his lips as Kenjro flipped him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck all of you.” Kenjiro snapped, but already his mind was slipping away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As ridiculous as Goshiki could be, Kenjiro couldn’t deny he knew how to dress sometimes. High-waisted slacks would fit him nicely. Maybe a crop top, the ones made to barely cover your chest so Kenjiro would be able to see that strip of hard muscle between the two. A leather jacket would form around Goshiki’s muscles, accenting them even more. Gold makeup would look good on him too, making his eyes pop-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys he’s drooling, literally.” Shigeru said and Kenjiro slapped him in the arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>… I just happen to know Goshiki can look </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>… Fucking hell, remember when Konoha dressed him up a few months ago?” Kenjiro insisted and even Kenji paused in his laughter to think back to that day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day after Tsutomu’s graduation, Eita had dragged his bandmates out to celebrate the release of a new album and Shigeru had brought along his fellow ex-captains. Goshiki had been brought along as a surprise from Konoha and Kita as a way to distract Eita while they set things up for a secret party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Honestly Kenjiro didn’t remember much about the party. He still could only remember the dark blue peacoat, skinny black jeans and boots Goshiki had been put in. Eyeliner had been painstakingly drawn over his eyes and silver glitter made his face glow with the softest pink on his lips. From the moment Kenjiro had seen him he wanted to kiss him. Even now, he wanted to kiss him just thinking about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve lost him again!” Chikara shouted and Kenjiro only had half a second before a pillow descended on him. “Mayday, mayday, get this man into the ICU before he crashes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mayday is for a ship you ass!” Kenjri yelled as he fell to the floor under the onslaught from his best friend. Next time he was calling Taichi for help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally managed to escape, hair sticking up in every angle like a porcupine and he glowered into the camera. There was a moment as the four of them stared at each other then dissolved into laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro fell back against the clothes with a sigh, listening to Kenji give tips on clothes for Shigeru to try and put on Kenjiro. A smile crept up his lips and he hummed softly, sliding his fingers over the soft purple shirt in front of him. Regardless of how nervous he felt, he was still getting to see Tsutomu after far too long and he had his best friends at his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro was about to slide into his bed when a text arrived from Eita. He thumbed the message open, throwing back his blanket and flopping down.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not Mom:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Satori just told me you’re coming to the show tomorrow!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not Mom:</span>
  </em>
  <span> With Tsutomu too! Did you make sure Satori told him? You know how scatterbrained he can be.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not Mom:</span>
  </em>
  <span> he says he can’t remember and is using Reon as a shield, I don’t know what he did but don’t worry I’ll get him back for you</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro blinked, then cursed. Of course Satori meant for Kenjiro to ask Goshiki out himself. The little asshole was probably getting off on it, knowing Kenjiro was now going to sit in bed for six hours trying to think of how to ask Goshiki out without freaking him out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared at his phone for another minute, deciding that he would just transfer to the other side of the country. Then it rang.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goshiki’s face popped up on the screen, a blurry picture from the secret party last year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro let out a curse before answering it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you busy?” Goshiki’s voice came through and Kenjiro had to forcibly pretend his heart didn’t skip a beat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly, why?” Kenjiro said after a minute, wondering if he was finally tired or if Goshiki’s voice just relaxed him more than he remembered. He heard a sigh on the other end and wondered why Goshiki sounded so relieved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry I just… My roommates.. Being… an ass, honestly there's no nice way to put it.” Goshiki sighed into the microphone and Kenjiro couldn’t help but think if </span>
  <em>
    <span>Goshiki</span>
  </em>
  <span> couldn’t be nice about it then they probably really were being an asshole. “I’ve had to listen to him for the past three hours about all the girls he’s been with and I’m debating on quitting college. I told him I had to study with someone but he didn’t believe me and kept coming in to check to make sure. He wants me to go out drinking with him so we can ‘hook up’ with someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goshiki sounded so horrified that Kenjiro couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled the phone away from his ear and leaned down to his computer and pulled it up to his bed. It took only a few seconds to type in the password and he pushed the skype button immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grab your computer.” Kenjiro said, listening to the confused noise coming from the wing spiker and then shuffling around as Goshiki went after the device. A second later he heard the device booting up and Kenjiro hit the call button.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as it was answered he dropped the phone call, shifting the computer to sit more comfortably on his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This might make it a little bit easier to help you study.” Kenjiro teased, then took in Goshiki.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was shirtless, the only article of clothing on him was a pair of small purple boxers. He looked even more filled out than last time Kenjiro had seen him. He looked grown up and yet, just as soft as he usually did and Kenjiro was suddenly hit with how much he missed the dork. He missed playing volleyball and hearing his name called out right before a hug because they got the point. He missed going out to dinner after practice and laughing with Taichi and Goshiki over failed receives and the different things their senpai had done. He missed waking up to Goshiki invading his and Taichi’s room with coffee for their morning run, when he’d sit on their floor and stare them down until they finished then grab his wrist and drag him out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro dragged his eyes up higher, taking in the sharp jaw and beautiful pouty lips to soft eyes that were looking for Kenjiro’s. Then he glanced up at the hair that was on top of Goshiki’s head making a tiny ponytail and immediately burst into laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goshiki’s face tilted like a dog’s as a light pink blush started to crawl over his cheeks at the sound of Kenjiro’s laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He whined, hands immediately moving to cover his chest which just made Kenjiro laugh harder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had missed </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tsutomu. The Tsutomu who put his hair up in the dumbest positions, who didn’t care about it. The dorky Tsutomu who still used a hair-tie that was covered in fake flowers to hold up his bangs. The one who would cover up his nipples and never think it could be anything else, even when Kenjiro had seen him naked more times than he could count.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice hair.” He finally pushed out and Tsutomu reached for his head, blinking and then grinning when he touched the ponytail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you! Semi-san suggested it!” Tsutomu said proudly grinning and Kenjiro couldn’t bring himself to break that smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re… still a dork.” Kenjiro sighed, letting his grin slide back down to his usual black look. Tsutomu’s head tilted in confusion again before he shrugged and grinned openly at the camera.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t seen you in a really long time Shirabu-senpai.” Tsutomu chirped, eyes bright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look like a dog… and you don’t have to call me senpai anymore. You rarely did that even when you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to. You can call me Ke- Shirabu.” Kenjiro didn’t think he could survive if Tsutomu called him Kenjiro. Even his last name coming from that familiar sweet voice was doing enough to his heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir! Keshirabu!” Tsutomu said proudly, snickering when Kenjiro spluttered at the new name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go run ten laps, right now.” Kenjiro finally gasped out and Tsutomu stuck out his tongue. This was new, and yet it was nice. As long as Tsutomu remembered he was supposed to be afraid of Kenjiro atleast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, Captain. I will get right on that.” Tsutomu laughed, sitting up and bending to the right to drag books closer. Kenjiro took the moment to admire the thick muscle and then glanced down at his own stomach. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone to the gym was… He needed to work on that…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> really meaning to help me right?” Tsutomu said, hesitating when he turned back to the screen and caught Kenjiro frowning at nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Yes of course I did. Do you even know what you need to study?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> stupid.” Tsutomu’s lips twisted into a pout and Kenjiro wondered if he still used his cinnamon toothpaste and if he would taste like it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow at the grumpy look until Tsutomu’s cheeks pinkened and he looked at his books again. Kenjiro’s lips twitched up the barest hint and he waited for Tsutomu to get to the right page, looking around the rather plain bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shirabu? Do you have a roommate?” Tsutomu asked after a minute, still not looking from his books. Kenjiro’s heart skipped a few beats and he begged the gods to not have Tsutomu ask to move in. Kenjiro would literally die being only a few feet away from his crush of three entire fucking years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Consider yourself lucky.” Tsutomu’s lip curled as he gave Kenjiro the most exhausted look the med student had ever seen. “I can hear mine breaking the second toaster this week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... How… Do you break a toaster?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shove three pieces in each slot and hope it doesn’t burst into flames. He… He won’t wait for the toast to finish and it keeps catching on fire. I… If I die, you’re in charge of my funeral.” Tsutomu said solemnly as a yell came from the other room. Tsutomu didn’t even flinch, just held Kenjiro’s gaze until the door swung open and revealed a man holding a toaster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toaster’s broken. No more toast… Also the cabinet has burn spots… Oh hey you </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> have a study date. I figured you were trying to get me to leave so you could invite that hot wing spiker over.” The roommate whistled, then peered into the computer screen where Kenjiro was glaring at him. “I guess he’s kinda hot too. Not nearly as nice as Kiryu though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kiryu</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Tsutomu squeaked, face going cherry red. Even Kenjiro had to blink at that one, sure he knew Kiryu Wakatsu had gone to college instead of straight into sports but he didn’t think he was Tsutomu’s type.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I get it man, you like dick and I definitely prefer pussy, but Kiryu? He can get it. Anyways, have a nice date. You need to get laid soon… Oh and the toaster is broken.” Again the roommate held up the toaster and Tsutomu’s face planted into the mattress as soon as the door closed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… You and Kiryu, huh?” Kenjiro hummed, wondering if the sound in his ears was blood or his heart threatening to break. “Bonding over the need to defeat Wakatoshi? When are you going to introduce us to him, he should know we are very protective in this family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shirabu</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Tsutomu whined, picking his head up and dropping it into the bed again. “I am not trying to sleep with Kiryu… I mean… He’s very attractive… and very sweet and bought me chocolates last week-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Kenjiro cut him off, coughing slightly as he choked. His eyes were wide as he stared at the pink still lingering on Tsutomu’s cheeks as he finally looked up. The wing spiker looked confused as Kenjiro pressed a hand against his own chest, telling his heart to shut up because it wasn’t like he ever had a chance with Tsutomu anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was hungry and I hadn’t eaten so he took me to a shop down the street and bought me some chocolate because I was feeling sick. He said I needed to watch my bloodsugar and offered me some peanuts too but I’m allergic so I didn’t take any. Are you okay? You look sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsutomu, when last week?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I don’t know the eleventh or twelfth, why?” Tsutomu’s cheeks were starting to grow red again for some reason. Kenjiro normally would have dug in, but he was too busy trying to calm his own heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last week was White Day… I didn’t want you running around not realizing someone confessed.” Kenjiro finally managed to get out, his own cheeks pink as he realized he’d just panicked over nothing. Tsutomu would never be able to keep quiet if he had a boyfriend, he would tell the entire world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Oh! Oh no, no, no! No! I wouldn’t have accepted them if that was the case. I don’t like Kiryuu that much. He’s very nice but he’s very much in love with someone else… And so am I..” Tsutomu confessed, voice soft and breathy and Kenjiro almost growled at him to tell him who. Instead he restrained himself, watching the ponytail wave back and forth as Tsutomu ducked his head down to his books.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew he’d never have a chance with Tsutomu, he’d accepted it years ago. He could push himself and become the best in everything he tried, med school, writing, setting, even making music but he could never control anyone else. He could only try and be good enough for them, but that didn’t mean anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satori either didn’t know Tsutomu had a crush on someone, was hoping the crush would transfer to someone he approved of like Kenjiro, or was just wanting to make sure Kenjiro didn’t die in his apartment from lack of socialization.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, whoever that is, make sure they’re good enough for you. Or you’ll end up dating Yahaba.” Kenjiro said dismissively, missing the fond smile on Tsutomu’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is. I just hope I’m good enough for him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough gross talk, show me what you’re working on.” Kenjiro shot back, trying not to think about his heart breaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>English was a good way to get him to pay attention to something else, and he was almost grateful that Tsutomu had always sucked at it. He tried hard and was always willing to do extra lessons, but English always seemed to go over his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nearly an hour passed before they finished and Kenjiro let out a yawn, feeling like he could actually sleep for once. Drowsily he watched Tsutomu put his books away, debating on asking him to the show. Even if Tsutomu was in love with someone else, Kenjiro wanted to see him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey… Tsutomu?” Kenjiro hummed, eyes half closed. He didn’t see the way Tsutomu perked up, or the way his eyes followed his lips tracing out his name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes Shirabu?” Another hum came from Kenjiro’s half asleep body, he really liked the way Tsutomu said his name. He really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted Tsutomu to call him Kenjiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’re you doin’ after practice tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… Nothing, well, I guess making dinner since obviously I don’t trust my roommate. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have tickets for Silver Dagger tomorrow. Backstage passes too, so we can meet up with everyone. Want to go with me?” Kenjiro cracked his eyes open to look at the soft look on Tsutomu’s face. His bangs were still up but they were falling free strand by strand and Kenjiro couldn’t help but think he was adorable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! I would love to! I… oh… I don’t know, train tickets are expensive…” Tsutomu’s face dropped from the gleeful expression he had a moment before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro fumbled around for his phone and opened it, tapping on his messages and then Satori’s name.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Me:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Train Tickets for Goshiki to Tokyo</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Got it covered, you’ll get them tomorrow morning.” Kenjiro said, not even bothering to wait for Satori to agree. He could afford it after all. Or rather Eita could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh perfect… Then I guess I’ll finally be able to see you again tomorrow… Shirabu.. Uh… Well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spit it out, or do you need an invitation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You called me Tsutomu!” Tsutomu squeaked out when Kenjiro’s eyes narrowed, ready to lecture him with a look like they were back in high school all over again. Kenjiro’s stomach twisted as he realized he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Goshiki, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No!</span>
  </em>
  <span> No! You can call me Tsutomu, call me Tsutomu.” The wing spiker shouted, making Kenjiro jump slightly. Tsutomu’s eyes were lit up with excitement, teeth buried in his bottom lip and Kenjiro sighed. His stomach settled at the soft look in his gaze and he nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Good night Tsutomu.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good night Shirabu!” Tsutomu cheered before the connection closed and Kenjiro fell back against the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He barely had the sense to put his computer on the bedside table before he shoved his face in the pillow. His cheeks were uncomfortably warm and starting to hurt at the smile forcing itself on his lips, yet he couldn’t make himself stop. It felt like high school all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed to himself, resigned to being a mopey in love idiot before pulling the blankets over himself and closing his eyes. Tsutomu’s name on his lips again as he fell asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu stared blankly into his closet, mentally digging through his clothes. He had two hours before he had to be at the train station and then it was an hour ride to Tokyo. From there, maybe a ten minute walk and then… Kenjiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even just thinking his name made Tsutomu’s cheek darken slightly but it didn’t stop him from mouthing out the name. Of course </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kenjiro</span>
  </em>
  <span> had to be the one to ask him to a group outing. The one guy Tsutomu had never quite been able to move on from because every time he thought he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kenjiro</span>
  </em>
  <span> just had to do something sweet or kind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like carrying him to the train station when Tsutomu twisted his ankle. Buying his favorite snacks for the Shiratorizawa road trip. Looking beautiful and smiling at Tsutomu while the dying sun slid beneath the waves at the beach and the wind howled until it was like no one else was there. Waiting until midnight in Tokyo with Tsutomu to get a brand new video game and staying awake with him on the train ride back to watch him play. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Existing</span>
  </em>
  <span> in general.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu groaned, casting another look at his closet. How was he supposed to look hot? Was there even a point to trying to look attractive? Kenjiro would probably roll his eyes regardless of what he wore, and Tsutomu doubted Kenjiro had </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> looked at him and thought he was attractive. He probably still just saw the excitable first year idiot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another whine came from Tsutomu’s throat as he pawed for his phone under the covers, staring at the lock screen of Tendou, Semi, Reon, and Ushijima together. He needed assistance. Advice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did he have friends? Yes, yes he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did he have any he trusted not to make him look like a reject from TikTok? No, no he did not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well… Maybe one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tapped through his phone nervously, teeth chewing through his bottom lip. It took him a moment to find the number and then another minute to get the courage to call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goshiki?” Kiryu’s voice came through, deepened with confusion. Immediately Tsutomu regretted his own life as memories of his roommate the night before flooded his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh.. I… Am I interrupting you Kiryu-san?” Tsutomu pushed out, tossing aside the hesitation. It was way too late in his life to start questioning his split second decisions in life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly, did you need something? Are you alright?” Kiryu’s voice was rough and yet soft, it reminded Tsutomu a lot of Reon and he relaxed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just… I wanted some advice from someone I know who actually has dated people before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, is this about your old captain? Uh… Shirabu-san?” Kiryu sounded amused and Tsutomu’s cheeks felt hot. Did he really talk about Kenjiro that much?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir… He asked me to a group meetup and to go to a concert with him. I know he’s going to wear something nice and I want to look nice but I have no idea how to do that. Or if it matters because I don’t usually dress that way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah… One moment.” Kiryu hummed, then Tsutomu’s phone vibrated as the video call was initiated. “That will make it a little easier, what kind of clothes do you have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shirts and pants.” Tsutomu said, blinking at the older wing spiker. Kiryu let out a snort, shaking his head fondly and Tsutomu was struck by how many people he knew who reminded him of Reon. Maybe he missed Reon and he was just going insane from lack of Reon-hugs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean like jeans or slacks? Hoodies? It’ll be a little chilly at night no matter where you’re going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! I do. And I have this really nice coat Konoha-san bought me a few months ago. Semi-san said it made me look good… But Semi-san also dresses like an anime antagonist.” Tsutomu winced, remembering the long furred no sleeve coat Semi had tried to get him to wear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go put it on,” Kiryu ordered, turning his head to say something to someone in the background.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu had just finished buttoning up the pea-coat when another face joined Kiryu’s. Usuri Michiru stepped up behind his boyfriend, sliding one arm around his waist and raising an eyebrow into the camera. His eyes glittered with an almost possessive light as he leaned his head on Kiryu’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on here?” Usuri purred and if Tsutomu hadn’t been across the net from the setter before, he might have believed the sweet tones. The blonde smiled innocently yet his eyes seemed to be promising painful death, but Tsutomu hadn’t worn salt-tower Kenjiro down into being his friend by being intimidated by scary setters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Usuri-san!” Tsutomu chirped, making Usuri blink rapidly at him in confusion. “You can help us too, if you’re not busy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... What exactly is going on here?” Usuri asked again, this time with genuine curiosity. His hold on his boyfriend relaxed as he leaned in, eyes sliding over the other wing spiker in the small frame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goshiki was invited to a concert by the guy he likes, he isn’t sure how to dress in order to impress him. I was assisting him.” Kiryu explained, turning his head to press a kiss to Usuri’s forehead. Immediately, every ounce of aggression slipped out of Usuri’s expression as he gave Kiryu one of the softest looks Tsutomu had ever seen on anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Usuri blinked and stared at Tsutomu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, is it a Silver Dagger concert? Your old senpai leads the band right?” Usuri asked and Tsutomu nodded. “Wakatsu-kun, you can’t help him with that from this far away. Goshiki, where do you live? I’m getting my make up and I’m going to make you so hot your crush won’t be able to look away!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that necessary-” Kiryu started but Usuri was already heading off towards the bathroom, yelling for his boyfriend to pull on his shoes. “I’m sorry, if it makes you uncomfortable I can tell him no. But he is very talented with makeup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu glanced at the clock, he’d already lost half an hour and if he had to go through every outfit on his own he would never leave. Usuri would probably only need twenty minutes, and he did enjoy makeup… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, I’ll send you my address then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu held his breath as Usuri brushed more glitter over his cheeks. He really couldn’t say what it was about blondes but they all seemed to have a thing about glitter and putting it on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost done, Tsutomu-kun.” Usuri chirped, much happier to help now that he knew Tsutomu hadn’t just called to flirt with Kiryu. Kiryu himself was carefully leaning against Tsutomu’s dresser, moving away anytime Usuri got too close with the makeup brushes. In his hands he had a leather jacket that Usuri had tossed at his head when they arrived and told him to hold before he’d gotten his nails into Tsutomu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t this my jacket? From my second year? I thought you lost it?” Kiryu hummed, holding it up to look it over. Usuri’s cheeks pinkened but he just rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We both know I took it, don’t even try to play coy. Besides, you hit your growth spurt and there was no way you could fit into it in your third year, but it fits me perfectly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still, it’s a little weird that you stole my jacket. Exactly how intense was your crush on me in highschool?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough that I will dump you now if you keep bringing it up.” Usuri complained, pulling away from Tsutomu long enough to pout at his boyfriend before huffing and returning to his work. “I was a weird kid and you were the most beautiful person I ever met, and I got to be your setter… I don’t want to remember that time, god I was desperate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now you’re just mean to innocent gay children asking me for advice.” Kiryu said, smiling innocently when Usuri tossed him a glare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well excuse me, Kaito will not take the hint that you’re not single. I thought you were on the phone with him. You’re always way too nice to people, even when they touch you inappropriately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did they hurt you Kiryu-san?” Tsutomu piped in, cracking open an eye to look over at Kiryu worriedly. The older spiker shook his head, giving a small smile to his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no, nothing like that Goshiki.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They grabbed his ass when he said he was already in a relationship. I had to intervene because </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> refuses to stand up for himself.” Usuri said with a final brush over Tsutomu’s brows. He pulled away and moved out of the way of the mirror as Kiryu shrugged helplessly at the comment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t look until you put on the jacket.” Usuri said, making Tsutomu slam his eyes shut again. He held his arms out, letting Usuri manhandle him into the leather and turn him to face the mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly Tsutomu opened his eyes, taking in his new outfit. Black heeled boots gave him another two inches in height, ripped slim fit jeans tucked into the boots and even he could admit they looked good. A pale pink turtleneck set off all the black, even as the leather jacket kept him from being too bright. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Usuri had brushed on a gold smokey eye, littering more gold on to Tsutomu’s eyebrows. Silver eyeliner glowed and purple highlighter had been brushed over his cheek bones, accenting them even in the crappy bathroom lighting. His lips had been glossed over with a baby pink color that Usuri insisted made him look more kissable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu wasn’t exactly sure how that worked but Usuri definitely knew more than he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. If I had more time I’d do something about </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Usuri motioned towards Tsutomu’s hair, snorting when he covered it protectively. “It’s not ugly, in fact it’s kind of cute, but it’s not exactly sexy. But whatever, it’s more you. You’re going to wow everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so?” Tsutomu asked, brushing through his hair and glancing nervously at his friends. Usuri gave him two thumbs up and Kiryu inclined his head with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay… Okay… Alright, I should go before I’m late, or else it won’t matter if Shirbau is in love with me or not, he’ll murder me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kenjiro</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Hey, I’m already backstage. Kita will meet you at the door and bring you to meet us.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Me:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Okay!! See you soon!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu looked down at the messages and quietly told his heart to shut up. He hadn’t gotten nearly as many looks as he thought he might have, but once he had entered Tokyo he had been surrounded by hundreds of Silver Dagger fans in their own makeup. That had boosted his confidence enough that he didn’t quite feel like crawling into a garbage can and hiding for the rest of his life. The rest of his confidence could return when he saw Kenjiro’s reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kita Shinsuke was waiting for him at the door, waving him out of the crowd to follow him. The guard at the door only spared him half a glance before letting them both pass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like the gold.” Kita said softly, brushing a piece of his hair behind his ear. Like Semi, Kita always dip dyed his hair for each performance. This time it was a bright red, making the silver cuff earrings glint more obviously. Pale purple eyeshadow lined his eyes, matching the royal purple lipstick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, the purple looks good with the red in your hair.” Tsutomu blurted after a second, realizing he should have responded sooner. Kita didn’t seem to mind, just giving him an amused glance as he headed into the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satori was the first one to greet him, hair just as brilliantly red as usual and spiked. His eyes were brushed with silver eyeshadow, more subtle than Tsutomu’s, and he had thick glitter creating a crescent shape from his temple to his lower eyelid. He was dressed all in black, including Reon’s black bomber jacket and Semi’s favorite band shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His old senpai immediately yanked him into a hug. Then let go and grasped his face so he could look his make up over better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! You look good! Holy shit, gold really goes with your skin. And I like the pink to set off all the black. You look hot! Oh my sweet Tsutsu.” Tendou cooed and Tsutomu was grateful he was wearing foundation because he could already feel his cheeks getting warmer. “Kenjiro’s over there, do you know what you’re going to do to seduce him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seduce? No one said anything about seduction. Tsutomu’s middle name was whatever the opposite of seduction was!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes… I memorized the entirety of his favorite movie and I’m going to quote it for him. The Bee Movie.” Tsutomu blurted, and watched Tendou go through every stage of grief in one moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are… you being serious?” Tendou asked quietly and Tsutomu nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I panicked on the way in, and the only thing I had downloaded to my phone was the Bee Movie. So I memorized it. In case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I…” For the first time in nearly five years of knowing Tendou, Tsutomu finally saw him speechless. He didn’t even finish his sentence, simply turned and started to make his way towards his boyfriends, arms out towards Wakatoshi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu watched him go before finally stepping further into the back, looking for Kenjiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu would know that voice anywhere. He followed it, catching sight of the blonde hair beside someone else he knew. They were only a few feet away and Tsutomu stepped even closer, half wanting to intercede and half wanting to run.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yahaba Shigeru. Kenjiro’s ex, and Semi’s fellow vocalist. Tsutomu never liked him any less.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro was comfortably leaning into Yahaba’s chest as they chatted about something on Kenjiro’s phone. Immediately Tsutomu’s stomach churned, he should have known Kenjiro would prefer someone like Yahaba. Yahaba was </span>
  <em>
    <span>gorgeous</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silver hair was brushed back with an undercut and a black helix with a chain that led to his earlobe and a silver upper lobe and orbital on both ears. Thick strands of purple and dark blue twined throughout Yahaba’s hair. Ripped jeans were accompanied with combat boots layered in silver chains and an off the shoulder blue shirt, revealing two tattoos.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Orange eyeshadow was expertly brushed on, cheeks brushed with pink and purple highlighter. Even his eyelashes seemed to be done, glowing silver on the tips in the backstage lights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu nearly chewed off his lipstick when Yahaba’s eyes caught him and he immediately smiled and elbowed Kenjiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro’s gaze flickered over to Tsutomu and then away. Then shot back as he stood from the crate they’d been cuddling on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yahaba laughed, smacking Kenjiro’s back before slipping away towards his other bandmates. Kenjiro snapped something at him, but Tsutomu couldn’t hear anything passed the blood pounding in his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One glance and Tsutomu knew he was a goner. Forget Yahaba. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kenjiro was dazzling</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu stepped even closer, stopping less than a foot away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Copper eyes glowed under ombre blue eyeshadow, brows slightly glowing with glitter. His cheekbones were brushed with a rich purple highlighter and his lips. His lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu instantly understood what Usuri meant when he said the baby pink made lips more kissable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu forced himself to look away from his face to look him over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like Yahaba, Kenjiro had an off the shoulder shirt but his was black and tighter. It also stopped half way down his chest. Even after nearly a year of being off volleyball, Kenjiro still hadn’t lost his muscle definition and Tsutomu found himself having to drag his eyes off of the bare skin before he did something stupid like confess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>White ripped jeans rested just above his belly button, a black jacket tied around his waist. His own black combat boots went to his mid-calf, shiny buckles distracting Tsutomu for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu dragged his eyes back up to Kenjiro’s, mouth hanging open uselessly. He wanted to tell him he was beautiful, but that seemed too much to say when they hadn’t seen each other in almost three months. Especially when he wanted to follow it up with “Also I’m still in love with you like I was the first day I met you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The heat must have started to get to Kenjiro because his cheeks were slowly getting redder as he patted the crate beside him. His eyes took their time taking apart his outfit and Tsutomu felt even more self conscious than before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Compared to Yahaba or even Kita, he probably looked ridiculous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told Tendou I memorized The Bee Movie for you.” Tsutomu blurted when Kenjiro’s mouth opened. He didn’t want to hear whatever comment Kenjiro had, he already knew he didn’t look good most days and even when Kenjiro was trying to be kind it just hurt more coming from him no matter what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Kenjiro’s jaw dropped, eyes bright with amusement and Tsutomu swore he could watch them light up for the rest of his life and never get bored.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was harassing me and it was the first thing I thought of! I think he’s crying to Ushijima-san right now.” Tsutomu snorted, the ridiculousness of what he had said finally reaching him. Kenjiro tried to bite back a laugh but it broke free.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They glanced at each other. Then immediately both burst into laughter, Kenjiro easily falling into his side and it was like nothing changed. Like they hadn’t been separated for most of a year and a half. They hadn’t grown apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His head fell on Kenjiro’s, cheek pressed against soft hair and his heart skipped a beat. He smelled like cologne and antiseptic, yet oddly there was also a hint of cupcake. Maybe Semi had spritzed him before Tsutomu arrived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you said that to his face and he believed you! That’s brilliant, I’m going to tell him you spent the whole concert quoting it to me.” Kenjiro let out a giggle, tilting his head up and dislodging Tsutomu’s head. He couldn’t bring himself to care, too busy replaying the sound of his laugh over and over in his head until he had </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> memorized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… Uh, how’s Taichi-san?” Tsutomu asked when he realized he’d been blankly staring into Kenjiro’s eyes for nearly a full minute thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dying, he’s the only one missing from the old team. He’s bartending tonight but he said he was going to stream the concert in the backroom so it would be like he was still with us.” Kenjiro said, looking away but he didn’t move from Tsutomu’s side. In fact he shifted just enough that Tsutomu would call it cuddling if he wasn’t sure Kenjiro wouldn’t ever talk to him again if he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, atleast he’s at the job he enjoys. Better than when he worked at the flower shop and kept getting flirted with over the flowers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh that’s true, I thought he was going to die if anyone else asked him out with roses they bought from him.” Kenjiro snorted. He hummed then moved away to reach for a bag Tsutomu hadn’t noticed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got these for you.” Kenjiro said, not quite meeting Tsutomu’s eyes for some reason. He pulled out a small bag of candy, including Tsutomu’s favorite Sakura Sake KitKats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha… What?” Tsutomu stared at the bag before taking it. That was an eight hour train ride to Masuizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t look at me like that, I just bullied Shigeru into getting them.” Kenjiro huffed and Tsutomu felt his fluttering heart hit a wall. Of course Kenjiro’s boyfriend would be willing to grab him candy, he really shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu zoned out of the conversation, answering more on instinct as his stomach twisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The candy didn’t sound so good anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu lowered the bag onto the crate next to him, wondering if he was just going to spend his life secretly in love with people. Even Shoyo had managed to confess to Kageyama. Hell, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yutaro, the</span>
  </em>
  <span> biggest softy and easily one of the most anxious people Tsutomu had ever met, had managed to confess to Akira. Sakunami had confessed to Kanji but atleast they were still together.  Kei even managed to snag somebody. Of the training camp friends Tsutomu had made, only he was still single.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The reason being the silver haired fae walking towards them. Tsutomu just couldn’t compare to the mysterious and playful yet aggressive nature that came so naturally to Yahaba. Kenjiro would just be bored with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry gorgeous but the show's about to start, better get to your spot.” Yahaba purred, but he didn’t look at Kenjiro. No, he was looking directly at Tsutomu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenjiro-kun! Did you not tell him he was looking damn good?” Yahaba gasped in false offense, rounding on Kenjiro. Instantly Kenjiro’s cheeks pinkened and he flipped off his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought he knew, it’s kind of obvious.” Kenjiro muttered and Tsutomu’s head tilted, confusion clear on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s obvious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh sweetie, you’re looking </span>
  <em>
    <span>sexy as fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> tonight. Are you still single by chance-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright! We’re going. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, stay away from Tsutomu, he’s not for you to play with.” Kenjiro snapped, hands on Tsutomu’s back and pushing him forward. Tsutomu’s mind was still whirling with confusion at the flirting but he listened, barely remembering to grab the candy as he let Kenjiro lead him away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone’s for me to play with. Remember that Tsutomu-kun!” Yahaba called, laughter echoing after them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsutomu-kun~” Kenjiro mocked, sticking his tongue out behind him. Tsutomu couldn’t even bring himself to ask where they were going, distracted by the hands on his back and how easily Kenjiro’s lips formed his name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ever sleep with Yahaba, he’s like a rash. He never goes away even if you poison him.” Kenjiro warned, taking Tsutomu’s hand as he stepped ahead of him. They were warm but smaller than Tsutomu’s and he took advantage of the moment to wrap his fingers around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you dated him.” Tsutomu said, only half aware of the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, two years ago. And it wasn’t because I was in love with the dumbass. We just… both of us were in love with people who would never love us back.” Kenjiro said, voice barely audible over the sound of the crowd talking around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah… Ushijima-san and Oikawa-san.” That would make sense. Who in Shiratorizawa </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> been in love with Ushijima atleast a little bit?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No?” Kenjiro actually stopped walking to turn and blink at him. “No, Tsutomu, I was not dating </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yahaba</span>
  </em>
  <span> because I couldn’t get with the only guy on our team willing to date </span>
  <em>
    <span>Satori</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... But Reon-san and Semi-san are also dating Tendou-san?” Tsutomu’s head tilted and Kenjiro sighed, tugging him along again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu was too confused to try and make sense of the conversation. Instead he just looked around the indoor concert hall. Kenjiro was dragging him towards some of the box seats where Tsutomu could barely make out Tendou’s bright red hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite still being close with all of his old senpai, he had never once been to a concert but he was pretty sure these were expensive seats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shirabu?” Tsutomu called, waiting until the eyes turned back to meet him. “Aren’t these like, really expensive seats?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Usually, but Konoha, Shigeru, Kita and Sugawara all gave up their free tickets so Eita could invite us all. Next time Konoha’s inviting his old team, and then I think it’s Kita’s turn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” Tsutomu didn’t know enough to actually argue so he shrugged and let himself be led to the box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had completely forgotten they were holding hands until Tendou whistled at them, forcibly holding Yamagata on his lap. The libero turned at the whistle and waggled his eyebrows at them only for Kenjiro to immediately drop his hand to hold up both middle fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon Tsutomu, before Satori gives us cooties.” Kenjiro said, sticking his tongue back out at Tendou when the redhead did it first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Conversation flowed a little easier once they were seated, Kenjiro quietly asking about Tsutomu’s classes and pulling out a bag of jerky. He didn’t even hesitate to offer Tsutomu some, though he glared down Yamagata and Satori until Reon distracted the two with m&amp;m’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remind me to tell you about Usuri’s story about confessing to Kiryu tonight.” Tsutomu murmured as the music started. Kenjiro flashed him a smile, moving closer to look over the crowd as Yahaba and Semi stepped forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu didn’t even hear their words, watching the way the lights lit up the makeup on Kenjiro’s face. Changing him from a tired twenty year old med student to an ethereal creation of the stars. Copper eyes met his for a second, nearly glowing and Tsutomu felt the overwhelming need to tell Kenjiro he wanted to spend more than a few minutes talking to him before bed. That he wanted to go back to the hours they used to spend together before and after practice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu wanted the chance to kiss him, dance with him, wake up with him, fall asleep side by side instead of opposite ends of the country.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Kenjiro’s eyes slid away and took Tsutomu’s courage with them. They were only college students. They had years before they would be in the same city again permanently. No point in starting something they couldn’t continue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Three songs in, Kenjiro jolted violently at the opening note. Tsutomu looked over worriedly but Kenjiro was pointedly avoiding his gaze. Tsutomu looked at the other four but they didn’t look worried or like they noticed anything strange. He straightened, focusing on the lyrics.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Taste the liquor on my lips, let me tempt you with a kiss</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m falling ill and you’re the poison</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sick at heart and you’re all I want.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Laughter is the best medicine but if I’m cured I won’t need you</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There’s no solution I can take to save me from my fate</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you even know what you’ve done to me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Take away the doctors, take away the nurse,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Send away the witch and let me have my curse</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>leave me to my pain so i know I’m still alive</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I won’t disappear, but you’ll leave me behind.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Falling sick, falling down, watching stars drown.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re my poison and I’m taking another dose.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned his head to Kenjiro, lips twisted in a frown. He knew this song. But not from Silver Dagger, this song was from before the band even started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shirabu…” Tsutomu started but Kenjiro wasn’t looking at him, instead he was glaring down at the stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fucking told him not to play this song… The one song I don’t want to fucking hear.” Kenjiro cursed, leaning back in his chair and pulling himself inwards. Tsutomu glanced down at the stage before turning away, reaching out just enough to brush his fingers over Kenjiro’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shirabu.” He said again, voice almost covered up by the song but Kenjiro looked up. “This is your song isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah? What about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you been writing for Silver Dagger?” Tsutomu tried to steer away from the questions that made Kenjiro’s face twist in anger. He hadn’t heard that song in almost two years, not since he’d caught Kenjiro working on it one day after practice but he’d never forgotten it either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… Don’t do it a lot, just sometimes. The past six months or so? Eita makes most of the lyrics so it’s not a big deal. You’re the only one who’s seen my notebook.” Kenjiro shrugged, eyes turned away from Tsutomu’s gaze. His hand moved to thread through the locks falling down his face, a nervous habit he’d never been able to kick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two okay?” Yamagata’s voice slipped in as the libero leaned over, genuine concern in his gaze. Behind him the other three were watching Kenjiro like hawks, eyes on the fingers starting to twist the hair and tug it anxiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenjiro shrugged, sitting up and moving to push his chair away when Tsutomu reached over and grabbed it. He pulled it closer until he nearly trapped his hand between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re fine, thank you Yamagata-san.” Tsutomu chirped, inclining his head. Yamagata gave them a worried look before nodding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me know if you need anything. Seriously.” Yamagata said before he moved back to his seat that was vacated as Tendou stood up to lean over the balcony. Tsutomu waited until they had focused back on the band before turning back to Kenjiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was only mildly surprised at the fire in the med student’s eyes. If he hadn’t gotten grumpy at being manhandled, Tsutomu would have called an ambulance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is a big deal, Shirabu. You’re good, like I told you.” Tsutomu said, careful to keep his voice from travelling back to their old senpai. For once in his life he wanted them to leave him alone and he wasn’t sure how he liked it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… okay.” Kenjiro hissed, but his glare lessened and instead gave way to a softer look. It wasn’t any better, this one was full of grief as brilliant copper eyes moved to the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re much better than okay, or else Semi-san wouldn’t use your music for his shows.” Tsutomu insisted, barely sparing a glance over his shoulder before he slid an arm around Kenjiro. The smaller man froze, before slowly falling into his side and curled up like he could hide in his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t anything new, or rather it used to not be. When highschool drew to a close and they always sat a little too close, when Tsutomu would take advantage of Kenjiro’s good mood to squeeze in beside him, or when Kenjiro was too tired to move and trusted Tsutomu to watch the time. Kenjiro </span>
  <em>
    <span>used</span>
  </em>
  <span> to sidle against him like he belonged there, used to be so close that being apart felt too cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then they grew up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu knew better than to think Kenjiro would ever be interested in him. Kenjiro was a med student, well on his way to being a neurosurgeon and Tsutomu was a struggling college brat hoping to get scouted for the pro’s. Kenjiro was daring and beautiful with a bite everyone feared. Tsutomu was a goofy looking oversized six year old.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet Tsutomu couldn’t help but hope for half a chance. Or atleast a promise that he and Kenjro would stay friends, no romance required, just anything but the separation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gods I </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking</span>
  </em>
  <span> hate this song.” Kenjiro groaned, twisting his head and pressing it into Tsutomu’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like it.” Tsutomu said, watching the lights as Kenjiro’s eyes lifted up to look at him. “I’ve always liked it… It was always… It was like seeing a different side of you, Shirabu. A side that you always hid but it’s beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu really didn’t mean to let the words fall out but he wouldn’t take them back. He wasn’t in the habit of saying things that were untrue or taking back his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s far from that.” Kenjiro snorted mockingly. “I… Fucking hell, I wrote that about the guy I loved. Back in High School.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he’s pretty fucking stupid to turn you down.” Tsutomu said earnestly and Kenjiro’s eyes widened in amusement at the curse. Tsutomu raised an eyebrow back, wiggling them slightly until Kenjiro let out a quiet snort. The song changed around them to something happier but Tsutomu didn’t bother to tune in, focused on something much more important. Like Kenjiro’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never told him.” Kenjiro said with a laugh, the humor not quite meeting his eyes. Copper eyes settled on oak and Kenjiro’s gaze softened immeasurably. He looked away again, turning his head so it was settled on Tsutomu’s shoulder and he couldn’t look him in the eye again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? Why would… Do you still love him?” Tsutomu asked. He couldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> ask. He pushed passed the ache in his chest to sound out the words, pretending his throat wasn’t trying to choke him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wasn’t he the one </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinking it was a good thing they weren’t together? Yet… Shoyo was in a different country and he and Tobio were doing great. Why couldn’t he and Kenjiro do the same? Why did he think they would never make it? Why would Kenjiro always be out of his reach?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I do.” Kenjiro’s voice was so soft, so quiet that if he hadn’t been speaking directly under Tsutomu then he would never have heard it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s… he’s amazing. Even when he’s being a dork, he’s always happy and confident and he cares so much about his team. He always tries his best in literally everything he does, even things he hates like Chemistry and English. He has the </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupidest</span>
  </em>
  <span> haircut and I love it. I love how he laughs when he scores, I miss being on the court with him. I miss being his setter and I miss knowing he was always there and knowing he knew I was always there too.” Kenjiro said, breath harsh and shaking and Tsutomu jolted as he realized Kenjiro was crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wrote a shity song for a guy I’ve had a crush on since High School and it made me cry. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>pathetic</span>
  </em>
  <span> can I get?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shirabu! You’re not pathetic! You’re not pathetic at all.” Tsutomu blinked rapidly, twisting in his seat until he could look at Kenjiro properly. “You’re brilliant! You can do literally anything you put your mind to and I mean literally! You have great tosses and you were an amazing captain and everyone loved you. You’re beautiful and smart and you’re… amazing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.” Kenjiro hissed, cheeks a brilliant red and tears shining on his cheeks. “Shit, Tsutomu do you… You don’t even know what you’re saying. I’m in love with you, you idiot. I wrote that song about you, and Shigeru had to go fucking play it because he knew it would make me cry and I would end up blurting out that it was about you. It was always about you. Go on then, tell me you’re sorry but you don’t feel the same way so I can leave and kick Shigeru’s ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsutomu stared, his mouth literally falling open at the confession. Suddenly every idea of never being able to make it with him, fled. This was his chance. With the guy he had been in love with for years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenjiro.” Tsutomu breathed, not even able to hear himself over the music but he could see Kenjiro’s eyes widen. He leaned in, using the arm around him to pull him closer, until their foreheads were pressed against each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenjiro.” He said again, already aching at the copper eyes filled with pain and panic. “You should have said something sooner, we could have avoided a lot of this. Kenjiro, I love you. I’ve been </span>
  <em>
    <span>in</span>
  </em>
  <span> love with you for years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you lie to me Tsutomu-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never lied to you once, Kenjiro, I’m not going to start now.” Tsutomu murmured, heart beating out its own rhythm despite the pounding music. Either he was having the best dream of his life, or he was going to have to figure out how to get his homework done earlier to have more time with his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I kiss you, Kenjiro?” Tsutomu asked, eyes wide and soft and Kenjiro’s met his. They were nervous and his hand was playing with his hair again but he tilted his head, breath hot against Tsutomu’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There weren't any fireworks, but Kenjiro’s lips matched his perfectly. Tsutomu didn’t need any fireworks to know that having Shirabu Kenjiro in his arms was a special moment, he just needed to know it would be a place Kenjiro would be returning to often.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t care about the gasps behind them, or the cheer Tendou let out. He didn’t care that Ushijima was attempting to congratulate them. He didn’t care that Yamagata was screaming at the top of his lungs and snapping pictures.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he cared about was the man whose head was resting on his with the most beautiful smile Tsutomu had ever seen. He would be doing anything to keep that smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He barely heard the lyrics around them, though he was sure Semi would ask him about them. Kenjiro was leaning in to kiss him again, lips salty from tears but open to him and Tsutomu blocked everything else out. Right now it was about </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Can you say goodnight, whisper it across my skin</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Touch me while I fall apart and piece me together again</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Let me hear your voice, honey and sugar on my lips.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you know what you do to me? Do you do it on purpose?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Light up my world with a glance, set me on fire with a laugh</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We burn the passion to ashes and rebuild this flame again and again</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Until the end of time, dancing together through it all</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is an old one so please forgive any mistakes ;v;<br/>Follow me on Twitter @WatacchiShinji !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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